Learning to Accept CLL and other Diagnoses

It is not easy when your doctor sit you down and tell you that you have CLL or any other type of cancer. I know it is a sad and scary situation. The doctor I had at the time really was not a good doctor. My husband changed him. For some reason the first thing came to mind was my family. Well, that’s how I felt.

My husband was alive then. He was my fiance at the time. I was diagnosed Dec 2, 2014. We got married Dec 20,2014. Anyway, when I was diagnosed I saw the look in his eyes. The fear and sadness he had in his eyes, tore into my soul, but he never knew it.

I could not feel for me because my heart was breaking for my family. That is the moment I realized I have to be the strong one.

In order for me to become strong with this news. I had to remember Peace be Still. I had to accept my condition with peace in my heart. To cheer my family backup, I had to be the cheer. I had to pretend I was Okay when my body was turning against me.

I pretended until my heart just accepted it. One thing I realize is death is part of life. My granddaughter told me this “Everyone wants to go to Heaven but no one wants to die”. I accept death. I say bring it. I am going to live until I die.

In order for you to deal with your diagnoses you have to accept it. You have to make peace with it. I realize, the more you fight it the faster it wins. The more you deny it the stronger it gets. I hope you know God wants you to give it to him. Trust God to handle it. To me it’s not so bad. It made me a better person. It taught me how to live. It taught me how to appreciate what I have. It taught me not to stress for anything. Not to get upset. Just be HAPPY! That’s it, be HAPPY. Happiness

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