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Learning to Accept CLL and other Diagnoses

It is not easy when your doctor sits you down and tell you that you have Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL) or any other type of cancer. I know it is a sad and scary situation.

The doctor I had at the time really was not a good doctor. My husband changed him. For some reason, the first thing came to mind was my family
“>Well, that’s how I felt.

My husband was alive then. He was my fiancé at the time. I was diagnosed Dec 2, 2014. We got married Dec 20,2014. Anyway, when I was diagnosed I saw the look in his eyes. The fear and sadness he had in his eyes, tore into my soul, but he never knew it.

I could not feel for me because my heart was breaking for my family. That is the moment I realized I have to be the strong one.

In order for me to become strong with this news. I had to remember Peace be Still. I had to accept my condition with peace in my heart. To cheer my family backup, I had to be the cheer. I had to pretend I was Okay when my body was turning against me.

I pretended until my heart just accepted it. One thing I realize is death is part of life. My granddaughter told me this “Everyone wants to go to Heaven but no one wants to die”. I accept death. I say bring it. I am going to live until I die.

In order for you to deal with your diagnoses you have to accept it. You have to make peace with it. I realize, the more you fight it the faster it wins. The more you deny it the stronger it gets. I hope you know God wants you to give it to him. Trust God to handle it.

To me it’s not so bad. It made me a better person. It taught me how to live. It taught me how to appreciate what I have. It taught me not to stress for anything. Not to get upset. Just be HAPPY! That’s it, be HAPPY. Happiness is a Choice. So many people say “I’ll be happy if or when”. Be happy NOW!! Being happy helps your family cope better and accept it a little more with ease.

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110 Comments

  1. Hi there, Carrie! Thank you for sharing this. I think it really gives hope for those who themselves or perhaps another family member has suffered from the effects of cancer. It can really take a toll on someone not just physically but even mentally and spiritually. I am glad you were able to find strength to keep moving forward. You are right that happiness is a choice and I am glad you chose that.

    1. Hi Mike, 

      Thank you so much for visiting my site. Your encouragement means so much to me. There is so much I want people to understand. Living with any kind of illness is not a death sentence. People needs to know that happiness is a wonderful medicine. 

  2. To be diagnosed with any chronic or terminal illness is extremely hard for everybody that is involved. From the patient to the family, so thank you for sharing your thoughts on it. The mental side of fighting the illness is as hard as the physical side. But one can find happiness and with the support of caring family and friends, it is easier to move forward. Have faith in God.

    1. Thank you so much LineCowley with your kind words. I could not bear to see my love ones so sad because of my condition. I figured if they see me cheery they would be cheery and It worked. I noticed my happiness jumps off to their happiness. It made it easier for all of us to accept. They’re also learned death is part of life but Not today 😃. I have a whole lot of life in me.

      Thank you again

  3. Hey there Carrie,
    You are a blessing from God.  To have Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia and to live with it you are a shining light.
    Then by creating this blog, sharing your real story you are creating hope and potentially touching the hearts, minds and souls of millions online.  I wish that anyone with cancer of any type would read your content.  To feel the hope that you give and the life that you lead.

    Please continue to spread your life, your perspectives, your faith.  Your choices are wonderful and I am uplifted to have found your content.
    Hugs from Australia, John

    1. Thank you so much John. I am over joyed with your kind words. I do pray people visit my site so maybe I could help them overcome there fears with any diagnoses. I pray this is what God wants me to do to help. They can ask me anything. My PHD is me. I am still living it.

      Thank you again John God Bless You

  4. Thanks for the article. Dealing with a negative diagnosis can be tough on both the individual and family members. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was in high school. I remember hearing her cry the night before she had a breast removed. It was difficult for my father to deal with and I got directly involved helping her change her dressings and empty the fluid which drained from the wound into a container. After that night I heard my mother cry, I never heard her cry about it again. I never heard her COMPLAIN about it even after enduring chemotherapy and radiation treatments. I’m personally embarrassed when I have failed to live up to her example. She was a 32-year breast cancer survivor and the toughest woman I’ve ever known.

    1. HI William,

      I am So proud of you for helping out taking care of your Mom. That must have been devastating for you. She saw the pain you and your Dad had in your eyes. So she made peace with it. She knew she had to be the strength to turn the light back on in her families life. She sounds like a beautiful person. You should not feel embarrassed about anything. You were emotionally traumatize and it’s still there. It’s holding you back from being the best you. You might want to try therapy. Things gets trapped in our mind an we don’t know how to let it out. Therapy helps. No you are not crazy. You are just stuck and you need help to move on.

      Thank you so much William for visiting my site. I pray and wish you and your family all the best.

  5. CLL has become a very sensitive topic to me. I have been gathering facts about it, and although it seems I state them coldly, there is a beating heart in everything I learn about CLL. CLL progresses more slowly than other types of leukemia in most patients, but not all, and many may die many, many years later of other causes and not because of it. A clinical database by and for doctors, about a third of people with chronic lymphocytic leukemia live for 10 to 20 years after a diagnosis.

    1. Hi Abel,

           Thank you for visiting my site. Yes your are right about that. It use to be 5 years but research and studies and most Survivors like me has beaten the odds of five years to 10 and 20 years. We are ALL going to die but we need not concern ourselves about that.  We need to learn how to Live.

  6. First of all, I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your husband.  I also hope that you have recovered completely.  I think the most important thing you said here was that you need a good doctor.  Thank goodness your husband saw to it that you got one that knew what he was doing.  Having a doctor who has the right information and accepting your diagnosis to be able to choose your options are the only way to beat these terrible diseases!  And choosing to be happy for what you DO have is certainly a great way to stay positive.  There is always a reason to be happy.  One only has to look for it.  Thank you for posting. 

    1. Thank you so much Cynthia for visiting my site. Yes I am doing very well for now. Have been good for many years now. I stay STRESS free. I will soon be posting about why.  

  7. Wow, thanks for sharing your story. I have no real experience with cancer except for my grandfather dying from lung cancer but I was only young and was not very close to him.

    I think with your attitude you can accomplish anything you put your mind too. The power of the mind is very real and strong. If only more people could have your attitude the world would be a much better place.

    I wish you well.

    1. Hi Crypto or is it Dave? Well anyway thank you so much for visiting my site. Your words are very encouraging. It helps me to continue and pray more people visit so I can help them.

  8. Your story gives so much hope. I really wish that those going through the same can stumble into your side . I know most people that go through what you are going feels hopeless and defeated. Your message is exactly what they need to hear. Keep shining, being happy , strong and spreading the hope. 

    I am taking away a ‘be happy lesson’ that happiness is a choice! Thank you 

    1. Thank you so much Bogadi. I am trying to help others. I pray they do find my site so I can help them know there is hope.

  9. Thank you very much for sharing this very personal journey that you had to go on.

    You couldn’t change it, so you had to accept it.  That must have been very hard to do.

    We say we leave our issues with God, but how many of us actually do that.  We take it to God in prayer and lay it down in front of Him.  Then we say amen and lift it again and take our burden with us.  But that’s because we are human.

    Thankfully you were able to learn to leave it with God and walk away.

    I hope that your story helps many people and brings them to God.

    1. Hi Geoff,  

       Leave your issues with God.  To me that’s a miss interpretation. I did not leave anything with God. I still have CLL. I will have it for the rest of my life. I feel we pray about our issues and except that fact it is what it is. Make a change in your life and make peace with yourself. How can we leave anything with God when he is within? I feel that’s why people give it to God and it’s still there, Haunting them.

      Thank you so much Geoff. 

  10. Hi Carrie, 

    That’s beautiful. You are so strong. I wonder how you manage this strength and this attitude. May you always be happy.

    It’s by reading about others that we realize just how lucky we are. 

    I am sure things will work out just fine with u too, and u will never have a moment of sadness and regret in your life.

    Love,

    Aps

    1. Thank you so much Aps,

      Being diagnosed made me forgive all the regrets I had in my life. Now I have no regrets at all. Although I did have to face a little bit of sadness. Which was death of loved ones but I had to make peace and move on.

  11. Wow. Seriously, this has been an amazing article to read. I don’t currently suffer with this but my uncle does and I will be sharing this with him because I know this will be a great help to him in something very valuable and meaningful to him. I cannot emphasize enough how appreciative I am that this article is even existing on the Internet because you are really helping a lot of people like my uncle with this type of written information

    1. Hi Misael H,

      Welcome back. I am so happy your like my story. I see you visit quite often. If my story helps you Please come as much as you want. Yes there is more. I will be writing it soon.  Thank you so much 

  12. Great photos and a wonderful attitude Carrie, this will help you to live in peace with this condition and certainly make each day special for your family. You will be an inspiration to everyone reading your blog and really help them to be more positive. I really felt for your husband and I hope everyone will stay close.

    1. Lily, 

      Thank you so much. My husband was a joy. He made sure the smile I gave him, he doubled the smile back to me.

  13. HI Carrie. Thank you for sharing your story. I know how difficult it is to hear such diagnose, but its even more challenging to tell it to people we love. It’s require lot of strength as illness is putting burden on whole family. But family is also source of hope and strength, when we support each other its much easier to face most difficult situations. And these would me my main advice for all who are facing such dramatic situations – be close to people you love and put faith in God.

  14. Wow, how uplifting and true.  I always think about what would happen if I were diagnosed with cancer.  It would be devastating, but you are right.  You have to be happy and be positive, and be accepting.  That would be hard for me, let me tell you.  But when you consider your loved ones, that is the best approach for sure.

    1. Thank you Leahrae for checking out my site. There is nothing more important to me then seeing my love ones smile.

  15. I just cannot imagine what it would be like to have the doctor tell me that I have any disease period. Death is something that you have to come to terms with yourself and it is scary, I admire you for that but you are right, it is part of life. Thanks for sharing your story with us, you are an inspiration. 

    1. Thank you so much Nuttanee, 

      There is a time in our lives when we have to face things that is bigger then we can imagine. The sooner we accept it, the sooner we figure things out.

       I had to choose my families smile, instead of my tears. I have to  stay strong for them in the mist of it all. 

  16. I really appreciate your post. My wife was diagnosed with cancer, and yes it is a very scary time. You really assess what is important and what is not when this happens. Accepting what IS, is very important. The old serenity prayer of “accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference” really does apply here. We are thankful for the time we have had together, and the time will have in the future.

    1. Hi AL.S,

       I’m sorry for your loss. Your wife sounds like a wonderful person. I also loss my spouse to Brain Cancer. I know how difficult it must have been for you. But we have to keep the good memories alive. Remember the good times and forget the bad times. Continue to live in love. Continue to be happy.

      Thank you so much AL.S

  17. Hi Carrie, I cannot imagine the heartbreak that you were enduring when you first received your diagnosis. It does warm my spirit to know that this is not your current space and that you have accepted the diagnosis for all that it is — and also for all that it is not. 

    I do agree that there is wisdom in the “fake it until you make it” philosophy that you used to pretend you were okay until being okay fully became your reality. I wish you more strength and joy as you navigate CLL and help others with their journey as well. 

  18. You’re going to benefit so many people who are going through the same things you are. Its such a great resource for people to turn to and talk to someone who understands and knows what they’re experiencing and what they might expect giving what you went through. Thanks for this. It’s important that people can see this.

    1. Thank you so much DashDNations,

      I pray I can help as many people as I can. I want them to understand there is hope in the mist of it all.

  19. Hi Carrie and thanks for sharing your story. Living with a person with cancer is absolutely heart wrecking. I understand that feeling since I also once lived with my aunt. She tried hard to fight her cervical cancer but failed in the end. I hope there will be a better treatment that gives a higher success chance for cancer patients in the future.  

    1. Hi Alblue,

      I’m sorry about your aunt. Cancer is not a thing good to here that you or a love one has. I applaud your aunt. She did not fail. She fought the good fight. It was her time sweetie. We cannot live forever. Letting go is part of her fight. Knowing when to let go. She did. Prayers to you and your family

  20. Carrie, you can never tell how you will receive that kind of news if it ever comes your way. Your sharing of your feelings, your faith and your ability to cope is so inspiring. It has blessed me and I am sure it will bless anyone who reads this post. Your overcoming the obstacles and attitude to results that you cannot change is a challenge for any of us to get bold, and lean on the Everlasting arms. Thank you.

  21. I am so sorry to read your story. It must’ve been such a hard time for you and your family. Getting these types of “news” from your doctor can have so many mixed interpretations on what will be like after you get out of that office. I have dealt with health issues myself such as retinopathy and kidney failure; it has been such difficult outcomes but with time I have learned to live with my conditions. You never really know your strength until you’re faced with a hard situation. It changes you. 

    1. Yes Stephanie, 

      You are a trooper as well. God Bless you. We never know what our curve ball of life is until it hits you. It’s not just cancer. What you have is just as hard. What about mental curve balls in life? We have to learn how to make peace with anything that threatens our health. 

  22. Hello Carrie!
    It saddens me that people are suffering every day
    to terminal illnesses or cancer, and even though
    there are many treatments today, it still
    is a sad thing to see that you or other people are 
    more likely to enjoy less of a lifetime than other people.

    What is most saddening is that some countries
    and even the US still pays Doctors.
    What kind of shameful societies abandons
    those in need? Paying for a doctor is inhumane,
    a doctor’s obligation is to help a patient in need
    not fill their pockets with material wealth. 

    I hope that you and your family were not 
    financially hurt by the treatments,
    and that you of course live the best life
    ever possible!

    Sincerest regards,
    Leon

    1. Hi Leon, You have such a beautiful heart. I know it seems shameful on how doctors are. But you have to also realize they are people too. You should not live life dwelling on a doctor. Yes trusting doctors are good but not leaning on them. That’s why it is important to know your own body. Know there is a higher power then yourself. You trust in that and you lean on that. We have been dealing with all kind of sickness and illness way before time. People die all the time. That’s part of life. When you realize Death is part of Life, you can deal with it more better. I am going to die. You are going to die. But not today!! You have to realize one day we are going to die. It might not be because of these sickness we are given. It could be something else. To help the ones that need your help Live a happy life. You have to make the choice. 

      Thank you so much Leon, you are a kind and loving person. God Bless you

  23. Thank you for this post,

    This really caught my eye as I’ve had many family and friends suffer from cancer and some have battled it but some have not which was very hard. It was mainly hard seeing the ones who did battle it and watch it slowly eat away at them and see them weaken. thankyou for this content on such a personal subject. 

    1. You are welcome alex. I had to accept this monster head on or my family happiness would suffer. By me accepting this I brought back laughter and happiness to them. Then I prepared them for one day will be my last day. We was able to talk comfortably about my wishes. Since my diagnoses we experience death in our family. I watched them handle it well due to their understanding of death is part of life. We do talk all about it in a comfortable manner.

      Thank you so much alex

  24. Hi Carrie, from your story it sounds as if you went through the usual grieving process and just went straight to acceptance without stopping for any appreciable time in the negative emotions. We have a very close friend who passed from leukemia two years ago now. It actually happened quite rapidly. Within months of the first diagnosis, she was already on her second or third attempt at chemo and it was not going well. I am not sure we will ever know what level of acceptance she may have been able to achieve. It all happened so quickly and before we knew it she was in the hospital and very weak and finding all forms of communication very tiring. I am very glad that you have been able to reach a happy place. You are a source of strength to all whom you touch. All the very best, Andy

    1. Hi Andy,

      I am so sorry for your loss. When I was diagnosed I felt like I had no choice but to decide to live till I die. I kept saying Got got me. I believed it with my whole being. When I say God go me, I meant if I lived or die, God got me

      Thank you so much Andy

  25. Thank you for sharing your story. I had never heard of CLL before and I truly felt your heart in this blog. You have also provided so much more information in your other posts that provide details on dealing with this illness and your coping mechanisms. Though it must be a challenging road for you and your family, the detail that you have put into this website will certainly educate others and sensitise people about CLL and how to cope. 

    1. Thank you so much brongsugah, Your kind words means the world to me. You gave me the courage to continue to tell my story

  26. Hello, thanks for your shared story, I am very excited to have read your content. I’m glad you were able to find the strength to keep moving forward. Continue to spread your life, your perspective, your beliefs. You’re right that happiness is a choice and I’m glad you made that choice.
    Thanks for your post.

  27. Hi Carrie

    thank you for the opportunity to read your blog.

    You are so brave and caring to share your experiences.

    I also work as a Palliative Care nurse and I note how strong and wise people with cancer are. Indeed there are many instances that I gain so much more by being inspired by them.

    Your post will help others in the same situation that may not have come to surrender and acceptance.

    Thank you so much and I wish you continued strength and upliftment.

    Best wishes 

    Sheen

  28. Hello Carrie,

    Thank you for writing this post. I believe you are right. Happiness is a choice that most people do not make; instead decided to set a time or event that they will be happy when instead of being happy now. It is hard to accept it no matter what, but you need to make the most of your time. Thank you againe.

    1. Yes Micah, When you think about it happiness is a choice. I also believe some people are happy being miserable. That’s also their choice.

      Thank you so much Micah

  29. Thank you for that positive message. It is always a huge help reading about other people’s experiences, and I am sure patients with CLL will find this website a huge comfort.

    Your positive attitude and caring nature shine through on this post, and it must be really tough on your family, especially when you were first diagnosed, as the future must seem so uncertain. Acceptance and peace within yourself must have taken a while to achieve, but you did it, and you are living proof that CLL is not a death sentence.

    1. Hi Michel,

      Well with Acceptance I had to fake it till I make it. I had to show my family I was fine. When I’m fine they’re fine. My husband and daughter took it hard. but My son he is older then my daughter, he looked at me at first with disbelief then he shook it off and said, “Mom you are going to be just fine”. When he said it I believed it. He did that to me once before when he was 11 years old. My family is my world.

      Thank you so much Michel

  30. Hi Carrie,

    I am so glad that you have the ability to move forward. Hope that you are enjoying life and living every day in full.

    I know how hard it is when your whole world turns upside down just in one day when you are told the truth about the diagnosis. And I think most people care more about other people around them but not about themselves. 

    I love your attitude for the life! Stay strong and be happy!

    1. Hi violeta, thank you so much for visiting my site. Yes I am doing very well. I am very thankful every time I open my eyes. I give thanks. All day long I always show an attitude of gratitude. 

      Thank you again violeta

  31. Wow, so inspiring to read your article. Thank you for sharing your wonderful story. I love the part you said about happiness is a choice. Imagine if everyone thought the same way and chose happiness, wouldn’t this world be a better place. I’d be happy with World peace, happiness for everyone.

    1. Yes, Happiness is a personal decision and it feels so good being happy. I wish I made this decision many years ago. People don’t make you happy, You make yourself happy.

      Thank you so much Jason

  32. A close friend of mine was just diagnosed with cancer, so finding this post is a huge coincidence for me!  It has been extremely difficult, since she just gave birth to her first child last August, her mom just passed away from kidney cancer last Thanksgiving, and her husband was in a car accident.  It has been a rough few months for her.  She has been saying a lot of what you say – cancer is teaching her how to live, and to be happy now.  I think it’s also helpful that she has the support and love of the people around her, which is so important.  Thank you so much for this post, and I still can’t believe I stumbled across it!

    1. Thank you so much Max,

      I’m so sorry about your friend. I know how difficult it must be for her. What she needs is lot of hugs and smiles from her family and friends. Let her know how much you love and admire her strength. Constantly recognize her bravery. She do not need a pity party. When she feels like she do. Give her a little one, then quickly cheer her up. I know it’s hard but being stress is not good at times like this. She wants to be treated as normal as possible. I am praying for her full recovery.

      God bless you Max for being there for her. 

  33. Hi Carrie, Receiving a diagnosis like that I’m sure brought feelings to your mind that the rest of us can only imagine. I am glad to hear that you are still around for your family these number of years later. I am sure you have quite a story to tell, and I would love to hear it. By seeing the smile on your face, you look like you must be a strong person to support your family while you, yourself are going through such a difficult time. All the best. God bless.

    1. Thank you Carolyn for visiting my site,  

      It was very difficult watching my family when I was screaming inside trying to avoid having them seeing my devastation. I had to be super strong for them. I had to fake it till I make it. I loved the bathroom that was my comfort zone. There was never a what’s wrong Mom.

  34. Thank you so much for continuing to share your story with us.  You are a big inspiration to many viewers I am sure, and it is really good that you are finding acceptance and hope even in the midst of this trying time for you.  Acceptance is the last stage of grief, and I believe you are overcoming that grief of CLL.  Good luck!

    1. Thank you Jessie, 

      Acceptance made me very strong. I also had to accept my husband’s death since I was diagnosed. I had to teach him how to accept his condition.(GBM) Brain Cancer. I had to teach him not to be afraid so he could go in peace. I am not afraid to die because I accept that death is part of life.

      Thank you so much Jessie 

  35. Hi thanks for this encouraging article, even though I am not a sufferer of Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia myself, I know that health is priceless. It a great example that you set for every one sick or not, to be able to accept bad situations in life that we do not have the power to change particularly sickness and disease. It great that you also trust in God, for what man can not do, HE can do. Wishing you all the best and long life! 

    Nedi  

  36. Your post resounded with me. I recently opened my Bible and found a note written by somebody I love. The note read: “Be still, and know that I am God…” Psalm 46:10

    It made me think that God spared not his own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? Romans 8:32

    God gave his Son for a purpose. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

    So, once we have believed in Him for salvation, we know that God wants to freely give us all things, according to His good Will. And His Will is perfect.

    1. Yes it is Abel.

      God is so AWESOMW!! Many years ago when I was in my 40’s. I had a dream that woke me up, so I will not forget it. It was a bible verse. He said to me “I give you  Deuteronomy 30:19” I did not know what that meant, until I was diagnosed with CLL. I look at my life as a Blessing with a Curse. I choose life. When you get a chance check it out. Before I did not know but now it’s beautiful. Yes I have CLL but my life is Awesome!!

      Thank you so much Abel

  37. What a wonderful tag-line this is – “I am going to live until I die”. Thank u so much for filling us with your strength and helping us cope with the small things that upset us in our daily lives. 

    I think u are stronger that many others I have met, and that is such a huge lesson for us all. Please keep writing and sharing. I look forward to hear from you again soon. 

    Love and respects, 

    Aparna

  38. So many people need this, and are looking for people they relate to and are going to through the same thing. It’s so important to build a community of people around you when you’re going through such a horrible experience. Finding sites like yours that’s open and honest is such a great resource.

  39. I have been very motivated by your article, you are totally right we must accept our disease. Living with autoimmune disease, I know how difficult life can be. It took me way too long to admit to myself, I could not beat my health problems. What I did do was to learn to live with them, today I am a writer for many years. I see my disease to be for a reason, it has forced me to learn to earn an income writing.

    Stay positive

    Jeff

  40. This is a great article. I’m so glad that yesterday I decided to book marker site for future reference because all the content you post is absolutely amazing. It’s so inspiring and it is so motivational it helps a lot of people out including myself and I just want to let you know that I really appreciate websites like yours that go into a lot more depth in peoples feelings

  41. Having this kind of strength and power to stay positive in a situation like yours, not everyone can. No one deserved to live with CLL.
    But the most important thing is to be clear-headed and be positive and fight like you.
    After everything you go through you still have the strength to write about it.
    Your article can help a lot people who have a similar problem and are struggling with it.
    Your words will give them the strength to fight on.

    1. Thank you so much Denisiukic, I wish I was a bible reader. There is so much in the Bible I disagree with. I feel it’s too conflicting for me. I chose to talk to God instead and learn how to listen. Now that where the peace be still come in.

  42. Dear Carrie, I read several posts you have written, and this one touched me so much. The way you talk about your life, the acceptance you grasped, you are an angel spreading the word to others in need. And it’s not only for those who live with a diagnose but it’s for everyone to accept and start living their life in the most beautiful way. 

    What your daughter told you is remarcable “Everyone wants to go to Heaven but no one wants to die”. That’s so true. They thought us to fear death while as we grow on our soul’s journey we are finding out that fear is an illusion and death is a new birth. 

    Thanks for sharing your deepest thoughts. 

    1. Thank you so much Sunny, 

      We have to understand death is part of life and we are all going to die one day. It is best to focus on living your best life instead of when we are going to die. 

  43. I definitely agree happiness is a choice, we all choose to be happy regardless of our circumstances. My daughter is a really great example of this, she was born with a severe cleft lip and palate and has gone through approximately 18 surgeries, many of them very invasive with very long recoveries. She is the epitome of happiness. She is a joy to be around and brings sunshine into everyone’s lives.  I can see that you are like her, and choose to be happy.

    1. Hi AL.S

      Thank you for sharing your story about your daughter. I am so proud of her and I bet she is a wonderful Joy to you and your family. She sounds like such a beautiful person. Could you do me a big favor? Please give her a BIG hug and kiss for me and tell her it is just because. 

      Thank you so much AL.S

  44. Cancer is something I am insulting to talk about because it has also touched me quite closely. And I could talk about it endlessly, but I don’t want to talk about it anymore because it reminds me of so many bad memories. But I have is perfect for you, that you could not give up and live as happily as you can. It makes me happy and probably you too.

    1. Hi Lea,

      I know cancer seem like a bad word, more like a nightmare but it is what it is. People forget they are going to die one day. EVERYBODY is. Cancer is not the problem, acceptance is. I know it is very hurtful losing love ones and being diagnosed is heartbreaking. But we have to accept that Cancer is here to stay. I lost my husband to Brain Cancer in 2017, then I lost my sister to another type of Leukemia(AML) in 2019 but I had to accept that as well. I took care of my husband and sat in the room for 7 days watching him die. I was ok because I had already accepted the fact he was going to die. Well with that being said I and Happy and Thankful and I refuse to wait to die. I have to much living to do. I have already accepted that the day for me to die will come but NOT today!!

      Thank you so much Lea

  45. Thank you very much for this inspirational post about accepting a sickness.  I enjoy your posts all the time because you speak from the heart, and use your own life as an inspiration to help others.  I agree that accepting the sickness has to be done in order to cope through the sickness.  That can be hard though, and that is why so many people can’t bring themselves to terms with an illness.

  46. A great way to look at things and a great philosophy to have. I’m still working on being “happy” myself. It’s not the easiest when you’ve been diagnosed with depression and your body regularly tries to make you feel like crap even with regular medication. But, I’ve made great progress and I’m proud of how far I’ve come.

    You are strong and truly an inspiration! Life sometimes really isn’t fair, but few people realize the time we do have is a blessing in itself.

    1. Hi Christina, You can be happy. I hear about the depression. but you need to hear me. Happiness is a choice. You can make that choice one day at a time. If that day goes wrong, ok so what, Start it again tomorrow. Today I am going to be happy. Do you know you can stand still and say SHUT UP to yourself and it will. The negative voices will stop. When they do you take control and say not today. We are going to do something. Do some a little silly and laugh at yourself. I know it’s going to take sometime but I believe in you. You can do it one day at a time. Say it in the mirror everyday. if you miss a day it’s ok. Try again 

      Thank you so much Christina

  47. Thank you for sharing your feelings here. It is hard for the individual and the family of anybody that is diagnosed with a terminal illness. But it is as you say, we carry on living until we do die, and we need to be happy and grateful for every day that we do have. And that is applicable to everybody. Thank goodness you are a fighter and survivor. Wishing you all the best. 

  48. Hi, and thanks for sharing your story. I can’t imagine what you have had to go through. You must be a strong person. I love your attitude, and we should all live this way if only more people would realise happiness IS a choice, you decide, it is your decision.

    You have a great outlook on life in a very trying time. I wish you well.

  49. Hello, I’m pleased to meet you. I have gone through your post about learning to accept CCL and other diagnoses you shared. It’s a very touching story, but at the end of the day it’s motivating. Well, you are a very strong woman, and I like the strength you had for your family. I can imagine the pain you felt at the beginning but it’s great that you finally become strong and accepted living with CCL.

  50. Thank you for sharing,

    This information is really sensitive and I know will certainly help so many people going through grief and especially that of their own families when faced with a loved one going through any illness. 

    You are a very strong lady and have clearly put your family first. May I ask if this has made you stronger dealing with your illness?

    One thing is true is that we should all learn to appreciate life more.

    Wish you all the best

    Imelda

    1. Yes Imelda, Having being diagnosed with CLL actually changed my life. I feel like it is a curse with a blessing. I am more grateful. I am happier. I smile more. I love more. Each morning I wake up, I cry. I litterly cry because I am blessed with another day. With that day I choose to be happy again. I refuse to be stressed because I feel I have no right to be mad, sad or upset over anything. God blessed me with another day. I am not sick, I go to work. Since I was diagnosed, I lost my husband. I was blessed with that because God prepared me for it. Then my sister got sick, I knew one of us was going to die. I was ready because I thought it was going to be me because I thought she was not ready. God made me see I do not make that decision. So I lost my sister. So you see, Yes CLL did change me. I hope and I pray this is what he wants.

      Thank you so much

  51. Thanks for sharing your story. I can imagine how hard it is when your doctor told you that you have CLL or just any other cancer. Recently, my cousin has been diagnosed with cervical cancer at a very late stage. It really devastated both her family and me. It seems only a miracle can cure her. I wish our medical and health technology can advance faster to find a highly potent cure for cancer. 

    1. I know what you mean Alblue, There is so much going on we have to take life as it comes. We have to embrace the good and the bad. Thank you so much Alblue

  52. Hi Carrie. Thanks for sharing. It can be hard for both the family members, and the one diagnose to cope with all the pain. I’m moved and touched with your story. 

    Life it’s not easy, it’s full with difficulties. We just have to face it head strong, and that’s what you did. It’s always inspiring to hear other peoples straight.

    Wish you the best.

  53. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us Carrie. It’s absolutely heart breaking for families when a loved one is diagnosed with cancer or a terminal illness. I know when my Grandma was diagnosed with colon cancer, it was devastating for all of us. My Mom was also taken from us when I was only seven because she had a long list of illnesses that caused her body to eventually succumb to all of them. I’m fairly certain that all of these disorders are genetic, so I’m mentally preparing myself for the time that I may have to deal with the same thing. I try to take care of my health, but I also do my best to live in the moment and appreciate what I have in life as well. 

    1. Hi Rachel, I am so proud of you for living your life in spite of what you went through. I am praying for you to never get any of those illnesses. I pray you continue have a healthy happy life. 

      Thank you so much

  54. Your positive attitude has probably done a lot more for your overall health than you may realize. Additionally, you are projecting a strong and accepting approach to your diagnosis and handling it like a challenge that you can manage. I can’t imagine how powerful this has been for both you and your family. I wish you and your family all the best on this journey.

  55. Hi there Carrie, 

    It is a great inspiration to read stories like yours. Choosing to be the cheer of your family when you know they are sad about something that has happened to you is not easy and I agree with you that accepting it, is the first step towards that direction.

    I also believe that giving other people courage when you are hurting is among the kindest acts that the universe recognizes and rewards heavily. Be of good cheer and keep inspiring the world. 🙂

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