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Peace with CLL

The time I was diagnosed with CLL in 2014, I realize I did not know me. Sounds crazy. People tend to think they know themselves but the truth of the matter is that they really don’t.

What they know is what the voices in their heads tell them. Yes we all have voices in our heads. Most of them are negative speaking voices. Loud and clear.

We see what these voices tell us to see. We feel what those voices tell us to feel. Sometimes we act upon these voices.

That’s where you don’t know yourself. You think you do because the voices tells you, you do.

There is a one of my favorite saying in the Bible: “Peace Be Still“.

Peace be still is yes a small but powerful saying.

Peace be still taught me how to calm myself like Jesus calmed the raging sea.

Peace be still taught me how to feel for once what is really going on inside of me.

Peace be still taught me how to Shut out the noise from that negative voice on the inside.

Peace be still helped me notice and recognize me.

Peace be still taught me not to be afraid of the monster called CLL.

Therefore, Peace be still taught me how to DEAL with CLL.

I’m not a regular church goer but I do have my beliefs and Peace be still is one I live by.

I learned to be still and be happy, be still and love the life I live, be still and live the life I love.

Thank you so much,

Carrie

82 Comments

  1. What a lovely article Carrie and it sounds as though the CCL is pretty serious but you are managing it very well. I can imagine that the voices in your head try to say a lot of negative things to you but that your thoughts of “Peace Be Still” helps to keep you happy and living your life to the fullest you can.

    Wishing you a happy life.

    1. Lily, Thank you so much. Peace be still help me though so much. Yes CLL is very serious. According to my doctor it’s 2 cancers in 1. Liquid in the blood and Solid which is the lymph nodes. I knew I could not just fix this. To calm everything down we have to learn to be quiet and be still. Allow God to handle it.  No panic is needed. Just trust. 

  2. I Wass enjoying reading your article. Hope you doing good and I am glad that you found your peace, it is very important to found yourself, sometimes that can be difficult, and you release who you are after something happen to you. You teach that everyone can survive if they found faith in something. I see that you found your faith reading a Bible. 

    1. Thank you so much Aleksandra,

           Well I tried reading the Bible but I didn’t like it. I prefer just sitting and talking to God. I’m not going to pretend that I am a religious guru because I’m not. I love God with all my being, but Church and the Bible is not me. I tried them but no. Somebody wrote the Bible and Somebody build the Church. But God lives within always in forever. He is with us everywhere. I am doing Awesome thanks to God. Everything I do I put God first.

      Thank you again

  3. I don’t know. For me, when talking about peace, always the Ralph Waldo Emerson’s comes to mind. He said, “Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.” And I truly believe that. We’re the ones that interpret our experiences. With the words of  William Shakespeare, “Nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” And per Ryan Holiday, “Stillness is key.”

    I mean, it’s ultimately about being happy and content with yourself and with your circumstances no matter how challenging they might be. And just the fact that you have found peace with CLL is remarkable. Most people wouldn’t. I truly hope you get through this.

    And I hope this for you will be the case it was for Mother Teresa: “I trust that God wouldn’t give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn’t have such faith in me.”

    God Bless!

    1. Hi Matiss,

      Thank you so much. God have faith in you to do the right things. If you do something wrong you let don’t let God down. You let yourself down. He believes in you because he knows you are bigger and better then you think you are. I don’t know you but I believe in you too. I know you are a good person because you found my site. You are searching for reasons. Keep searching, seems like you are getting close. Search and ye shall find. 

      Oh yeah by the way, I am doing really good. Thank you again Matiss and you have a Wonderfully Blessed Day

  4. Carrie, I enjoyed reading your Peace Be Still. Heart warming that you deal with you CLL everyday and still have that big smile on your face, Your saying!!! God’s got this. Love it and keep it up.

    1. Thank you so much Dee,
      Your support and approval means the world to me. Yes I will always know and say God got this because I know in my whole entire heart the does.

  5. What a lovely post and I am sure that living with CLL is an ongoing challenge. I love your phrase of “peace be still” and I am sure it is applicable to many other illnesses and situations in life where one has to calm the voices in your head. I am also not a regular church goer, but very much believe in the power of a greater being, that looks after us and keeps His hand over us. 

    1. Thank you LineCowley,

      Your kind words are inspiring to me. I love my time alone it helps me stay peaceful and calm within myself. Shuts out the noise and It clears my path.

      Thank you

  6. Thank you for taking the time to share your story as I’m sure that it will help many people who are in the same position.

    Peace be still are 3 small words, but they are huge in application.  We all need to stop from time to time and stop panicking and think.  Being peaceful and still give us room to do this.  It gives us time to think things through and stop running around like headless chickens.

    If we consider when these words were spoken by Jesus, I think it makes them even more powerful.  There was a storm on the lake, the disciples were afraid for their lives.  It was a life or death situation.  They could do nothing to help themselves, they were powerless. 

    I suggest that is where you were with your CLL, but with 3 words Jesus calmed the storm and it subsided immediately.  

    In the middle of our storms we need to call out peace be still, but also to ask the author of those words to still our storm for us.

    I hope you are now a lot better and will go from strength to strength.

    1. Yes Geoff, Thank God I am amazingly better. Being still and listening to the true sounds are the most glorious sounds. Peace be still gave me my health back. When I went to get Chemo, I went alone. To enjoy my peace be still moment. Every time I did not get sick at all. You may not believe it but it’s true. I have not been sick in many years now. Thank you so much Geoff for your kind words and support.

  7. Hi Carrie, 

    I came back to your website hoping you would have written some more. And I found this short article. 

    Hope you are taking treatments and getting better. I would strongly suggest yoga, and in particular deep breathing exercises like kapal-bharti and anulom-vilom. They work wonders. I know it sounds like hocus pocus, but it isn’t. It’s a deep deep science.

    Lots of love to you, 

    Aps

    1. Hi Aparna, 

      Thank you so much for your concern. I am doing very well. I have not had a treatment in many years. Everything is still calm. I get my blood check every 6 months. My levels are still in tack. I do not take any medications. I am living a happy healthy life right now. Thank you

  8. Hi Carrie
    Thanks for sharing your views on peace with CLL. What a beautiful quote you described as “Peace be still” .You are very much correct Carrie. Our human body is a power source of energy and we can use it to our fullest advantage .If we think we can then we are right, at the same time if we think we cannot then also we are right .So it is all in the mind .Keep your motivation on the same level and very soon you will get rid of your problems because you are the creator.  
    Thanks and regards,
    Gaurav Gaur

    1. Hi Gaurav Gaur, 

      I went and got some flash cards. I wrote all good things about me. my strength, courage etc. I read it and recorded it on my phone. It is an 11 minute recording. I have my ear plugs and listen to it every morning before I get up. Who can say it better then me? When I feel a little bit off. I listen to that recording and it builds my back up.

      Thank you so much 

  9. These circumstances you have gone through really make us reevaluate our priorities. We think we know ourselves, but it’s in the midst of these events that we get to appreciate the core points of life.

    I believe there is a purpose in all this. A purpose for a blessing. In the midst of these circumstances we can also turn to the Bible and read in John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

    1. Hi Abel,

      Yes, I believe God has his curve ball for us all. We all need to wake up and love thy neighbor any how. Never say not me. There is one thing I love to say and I taught my husband to say. That is “God Got Me”. When I say God Got Me, it means live or die, God Got Me. My husband started saying that, so when his time came he said “I’m ok, God Got Me”. He accepted it with peace. When my sister called and said she had AML. I knew God was coming to get one of us. I said, “I know you are coming to get one of us, I’m ready”. I was ready because I know “God Got Me”. But he took my sister instead. I believe everything is in God’s wonderful timing. That why I am going to live until I die because I know God Got Me!

      Thank you so much Abel

  10. yes … sometimes we need absolute calm that takes us away from this very harmful and chatty mess of life … but we must return with a strong and victorious spirit … the only one who can give us this meaning is our god … that’s why we must never forget that we are always under his control and his power.

    1. Thank you so much mohamed jendoubi,

      You are absolutely right!! We have

      to learn how to be still and trust God. Know that God knows what he is doing. 

  11. What a great post, Peace can only be found by yourself. Exactly, especially when you are in terrible condition or you have a big problem, these negative words will come with his/her families, And the voice will be telling or reminding you all sort of rubbish. Thank God for the words of God that always give us hope. 

    1. Yes. Thank you so much Dozzy, for your understanding. Peace is also needed for other reasons. There are so many depressed people in the world. They need to learn Peace within themselves. Peace is the most beautiful unimagined feeling a person can have. If I wasn’t diagnosed with CLL, I probably would have never found it. That’s why I say it’s a curse with a blessing.

  12. I am so sorry about your CLL condition but this is something that I definitely can relate to. I do not think that most of us just assume that we know what we want and who we are but in reality it takes time to know ourselves. I will try to give Peace and be still a try in my daily life as well. I am sure that we all can use some self reflections. 

    1. Thank you so much Nuttanee for visiting my site. Peace be still can be very difficult but for some reason when you are in the mist of something very very serious like a terminal illness, it do come quick. 

  13. Hi Carrie

    You article is very touching and yet also encouraging. Having worked in the medical field for over 13 years, I have come across many patients with CLL and listened to their stories. Many of their lives have touched me but none like your article has done. I am a Christian myself and such a strong believer in Christ. That verse has never ministered to me like it did today after reading your article. Thank you so much for the encouraging words. You have given me so much peace in my many other none-medical struggles that I am going through with your post. Thank you once more

    1. Thank you so much for visiting my site. Knowing how much difference I have made helped me realize how important helping others really is.

  14. I am very proud of you, Carrie! You are so strong and brave! I hope that you are feeling well now. Great set of mind. CLL is very hard to fight with. I am so happy that you are winning this battle. Don’t listen to negative voices inside you. Just be happy and enjoy every day you live in.

  15. Oh thank you so much for this beautiful post!  I think most people could learn from your story, to have peace in the midst of the storms that life has thrown at them.  That is the beautiful thing about religion, that it helps bring comfort to those who need it, by giving a sense of higher purpose.  Thank you for sharing this beautiful blog, and may the peace of the Lord always be with you!

    1. Hi Jessie, Thank you so much for enjoying my site. Learning Peace be still is a beautiful feeling. You get to hear the voice more clearly. You get to enjoy his presents. That’s when you know God is with you.

  16. Awesome article, Carrie. It seems like you’re managing CLL well. I wish you all the best in your recovery and life. Thank you for bringing up the saying, peace be still. I myself have a lot of negative voices in my head always telling me that I suck. It looks like I should adopt the saying, peace be still, and learn to manage the voices in my head. What other sayings and beliefs do you live by?

    1. Hi Kevin, 

      Those voices are a serious challenge. I often stop myself in the middle of everything and say Peace be Still and I stay there until it gets quiet on the inside. Then I move. There are other things I say that rubbed on others including my granddaughter. I say “It’ll be alright, it’s not that serious”.  When they think about it, they realize I’m right. LOL and “God got this” because he do.

      Thank you so much Kevin

  17. Hi Carrie, What a beautiful post! I have to admit that I had to look up CLL to discover what it was, the symptoms and the treatments. So, I now have a really good understanding and know what you must have been going through. I am so glad to read that you have found peace with it in a very special way.

    1. Yes Jenni, I have found my Peace. Thanks to CLL. Yes It’s a curse with a blessing. I had to make peace with what I have. Thank you so much Jenni for visiting my site.

  18. I am sorry to read about you condition, but despite that, I found reading this article very peaceful.  I often talk about peace, but I have not thought about the results of focusing on being peaceful as you have laid them out.  What technique do you use most to find that peace when you need it.  I spend time prayer, but I also spend time walking in the woods.  Peace in this life of turmoil is a gift. 

    1. Thank you so much Anastazja, I like to stop what I’m doing where ever I’m at. Take a deep breath, Close my eyes and say Peace be Still. Stay still and keep repeating it until you feel the calm.

  19. Hi Carrie ,Thank you for this post .I can promise you one thing ,i am going to pray for you so that you keep getting better and better .I am so sorry for you to have to go through this .However ,I agree that you are managing this in a good way ,keep the courage ,keep the smile ,good things are ahead .Get better Carrie .

    1. Thank you so much Jim-Kelly, I am good, I work everyday as a Supply Tech. I have a business. I have not been sick in many many years. I go get my check ups every 6 months and my blood is in tack. I am so thankful and grateful. God is good. He goes everywhere I go and he protects me. Thank you so much for your concerns and prayers. 

  20. Wow, how hard to deal with.  I can see how faith and that one saying, Peace be Still, is helpful for you.  I can see how it would help you and you are a very strong person with a very positive attitude.  I am not sure what I would do if I was diagnosed with CLL.  It would be a difficult thing to process.

    1. Thank you so much Leahrae, I know. At first I shook it off because it was so unreal. I denied it to myself when others was present because I did not want them to see me react. But when I was alone. I broke down in silence. Until I remembered Peace be Still. I kept saying it until I actually got still. Then this beautiful feeling came over my body. I cannot explain it. That feeling stays with me. I pray you never ever have to face anything like CLL. I also pray you feel the feeling of peace. It’s beautiful.

  21. Hello there, Carrie! That’s really amazing that despite having a hardship such as CLL, you were able to change your thoughts into more positive and productive ones. A typical person including myself would probably think about all the regrets and negative thoughts. Glad that you had more peaceful thoughts instead. Thank you for being that role model of peace and hope for those with CLL or any cancer!

    1. Hi Mike, 

      Being diagnosed with CLL gave me that Peace. I had to make a choice. I always wanted to live in Peace and be Happy. I did not realize the choice was mind until I notice Peace be Still show me I already had it. I just had to accept it. You have it too Mike. Just make the choice and accept it.  

      Thank you so much Mike

  22. Hi Carrie, 

    That is one of my favorites too. Everytime there’s a storm in life if people just remember “peace be still” they can get the strength needed  to see the ordeal through. Peace seems like a simple state of being. However, sometimes it is hard to achieve. Therefore, it is very important one remebers who has got us in our times of need. He is the giver of peace. There is a young girl in my church that had Lukemia I am not certain if it is the same illness but she under went chemo therapy and had to get the marrow in her back tested. God was good to her and healed her of the cancer. The doctors did a spinal tap and they were amazed there was no trace of it. The cancer wasn’t just in remission …it was gone. What he done for others he can do for you too. Keep your chin up sister!

    1. Yes you are so right Tina. I been healthy for many many years now. Year after year I have an attitude of gratitude. I refuse to be sad or unhappy because God has been so GOOD to me!! AMEN Thank you so much!! 

  23. You are right. The negative voice is always loud and clear. The  positive one tend to be low. We need to amplify the voice. There are many ways to do that. Prayer and meditation are to great techniques to amplify your positive voice. I hope that you are doing fine today. Thanks for that great post.

  24. This is so relatable. I have been diagnosed with an aggressive auto immune disease and it was so hard for me to figure out who I am mentally, and how to manage my identity with a body that couldn’t physically keep up with what I wanted to do, and who I wanted to be in my life. Thanks for this post, it’s so reassuring to know that other people struggle with their identities when it comes to diagnoses.

    1. Hi DashDNations, I’m sorry to hear you have an aggressive auto immune disease. I am praying for you to a full recovery. I am so happy you visited my site. I hope it gave you some hope and encouragement.

      Thank you so much

  25. I really appreciate your website and I decided to browse around to see what else I can find. Needless to say that I’m not disappointed with your content. This is such a beautiful poem and I appreciate it very much. I look forward to reading more from you and like I said before I bookmarked your site for future reference

  26. Hi Carrie!

    This is such an inspirational article. I simply could not imagine the pain and even the misery you must have to go through every single day having CLL, but you are right about what you have stated in the article. Many times when people are diagnosed with illnesses that they cannot do anything about, they tend to let this new identity control and consume them. 

    It’s always nice to take a step back, enjoy the peaceful stillness, and re-evaluate yourself on a spiritual level. Very happy you were able to find strength and serenity with your faith and this simple, yet powerful phrase will living your life with CLL.

    1. Thank you so much Rachel, 

      It’s not difficult because God got this!! I don’t worry or complain because I know with my whole being that God got this.  I don’t know what to do with it so I put it in his hands. The moment I accepted it, was the moment he took it. My blood is good. I get checked every six months. been good for many years. I work 7-8 hours happily on my feet. I’m a Supply Tech in a veterans Hospital. I am so Thankful and so Grateful everyday.

      Thank you so much again

  27. It’s really nice to see when you have that kind of thinking.
    I’m glad you found your peace. Reading the Bible helps many people. I am glad that it helped you too.
    It is important that you think positively. It always gives strength for the future.
    Thanks for sharing such a nice post with us.

    1. Thank you so much Denislukic, Sorry but the answer to this comment is in Learning to accept CLL article. This is the response for that one. Thank you so much for you kind words. Your encouragement and approval means so much to me.

  28. Good day, I’m pleased to meet you. I did not know about CCL before, and it seems so serious and scaring. Well, I’m thrilled by how you have adjusted and adapted living with CCL, making peace with it. I’m happy to see how ‘Peace be still’ has given you faith, belief and strength to conquer life and deal with CCL. This is motivating and strengthening.

    1. Thank you so much Kokontala, 

      Yes CLL is very silent and serious. I am now good Thank God but I just don’t know what’s next but it doesn’t matter. I have made my choice and that is to live until I die. I Love everyone, I Live my live to the fullest and I Laugh out loud.

  29. Peace be Still is one of my favorite hymns too. Your words definitely apply to my life as well. I had some issues after returning home from my second combat tour in the Army but faith really brought me through. Peace comes from acceptance and realizing the things that you cant change need accepted, and the focus on those things that you can change.

    1. Thank you so much AL.s for sharing your story. 

      I knew I could reach other people that do not have CLL. I now know God has his hands in my writing. 

      Thank you so much again

  30. Hello, a fascinating article and another proof that he will win if you believe in something. First of all, I want to tell you that you have already won at least half if you understand yourself. And this clarification is happening in your own head, is the best thing that can happen to us in a lifetime. Some will never experience it.

  31. Wow, Carrie, your story is so moving and inspirational. Peace Be Still sound like a simple task but it really means to defeat human weaknesses, and you did it. I can’t imagine how you felt that day in 2014, but I’m glad that you are optimistic, with a smile on your face, and in peace now. Hope you are better now. Peace Be Still

    1. Hi ntomic25,

      Thank you so much for your kind words and concern. I am doing Fantastic. Life is wonderful. 

  32. It is great to be able to take an inspirational verse from Holy Scripture and apply it to your life and your current situation.  That kind of thing is the fruit of what is written down; in the end it can actually make a profound difference and increase a person’s quality of life.  Great thoughts.  

  33. Great article, knowing and speaking to your inner self is a gift, not many can do that including myself, but I do try on several occasions when the going gets tough and I need a way out.

    This CLL is no joke, it also depends on the type, but they are all serious. A family friend has CLL from childhood, went through college, and now working, but there are times she has been in the hospital for a period of time and came out a champ. She has peace be still caused her smile is as bright as yours. 

    1. Yes Affiliate for Amazon, 

      I love being in my peace.  it’s an unexplainable feeling.

      Thank you so much

  34. Hi, Carrie! I really admire you for how bravely and confidently you accepted your CLL diagnosis.
    As for the content of the article, I very much agree with you. The voice in our head wants to define us all the time, but our true essence is the one behind that voice, in silence. Where we as a spiritual being are connected to all that is.
    Thank you for sharing with us what the biblical saying Peace be still taught you and how it helped you. I believe that many of us who read your page can identify and recognize ourselves in trials where this saying can benefit them.
    I wish you all the best
    Nina

  35. Hello Carrie, Wow!! this is a lot to deal with I know, but I do believe in God and I do know God works miracles, each and every day, “Be Still” is in the bible, it’s said be still and let me work, if you are trying to do it yourself God can’t work, you have to be still and allow him or the Universe.  Your diagnostic is CLL, I have never heard of it, but I know Vitamins and vegetable are a good source for any diagnostic and Juicing,  “be Still” do not fear, don’t be fearful, focus on it? meditate on it? believe on it? I believe in miracles, all you are doing is right I would just add a little more meditation and yoga and believe?.

  36. You have really walked an insightful journey. 2014 to date is a journey and a half. I am encouraged by how you stood  courageously in the face of the monster called CLL. You have also quoted a powerful and encouraging word form the bible ‘Peace be still’ . Truth is sometimes all we need to do to win some battles is to be still and let God fight for us.

    1. Yes Bogadi, Peace be still is very powerful quote. When you really and truly be still you will feel his presence. Some people call it meditation but it’s not that. Some people call it prayer but it’s not that either. When you feel it seems like he already knows. He just wants you to just be still.

      Thank you so much Bogadi

  37. Great blog, I enjoyed reading Peace Be Still and thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I can only imagine how you felt when you found out about CLL and I am sure your words will help many. I am sure you will overcome all the problems with that smile on your face. I wish you all the best!

  38. It is true that our truest character is revealed during the most challenging times. It’s very easy to get swept up in a tide of routine when life is going well, and it’s nice to have those times, but they aren’t usually the time where the most growth occurs. I wish you all the best on your journey of health, wellness, and understanding.

  39. Hi Carrie

    It was so inspirational to read your article today and so true. One does not need to read the bible everyday or go to church every week to find spirituality. You find it when you let God take action and give it all to him. The Holy Spirit then works wonders in you and you have the power to keep yourself in a peaceful state and only speak blessings and positive decrees over your life. 

    Keep the amazing attitude you have , the world needs more people like you:) 

  40. Thanks for sharing your story. I agree that peace can really comfort your mind and mental health to get over a painful situation (or in this case, a terrifying disease). My cousin has been diagnosed with cervical cancer at a quite late stage, and maintaining “peace” seems to have a good effect on her recovery. I just hope she can also survive for a long time.

    1. She will. God got her her. That’s all God wants, Is for us to let go and let God. I am also praying for her.

      Thank you so much Alblue

  41. Hi Carrie, 

    I didn’t know about CLL until I read your blog. I LOVE that you have found comfort from The Bible and everlasting, all sustaining, Word of God. Praise Jesus that He calms the storm in your life!

    As I read your blog, Psalm 103 (v2-5) sprang to mind:

    Bless the Lord, O my soul,
    And forget not all His benefits:
    Who forgives all your iniquities,
    Who heals all your diseases,
    Who redeems your life from destruction,
    Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies,
    Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
    So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

    The Lord heals ALL your diseases.

    I pray that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s! Amen.

    May God bless you Carrie, in all aspects of your life.

    1. Hi Matt, Yes that’s it. That’s what it’s like. All God wants is for us to give it to him and live in peace. I myself have done that. I have been living in peace since I was diagnosed. God got me. I know what I know.

      Thank you so much Matt

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